The Power of a Compliment

#Kindess Matters

When was the last time someone gave you a compliment? It seems like it’s been a very long time since I’ve received one.

Perhaps I am thin skinned. Or worn down. Lately it seems that I am constantly fielding critiques and tackling problems. About podcasts, articles, and posts. About technology I don’t control.

My podcast is about the imperfect human experience as we try to navigate a meaningful life, and the universal lessons that come from those experiences. No politics. No right or wrong. Just stories.

Whatever happened to expanding your world by trying to understand someone else’s experience or point of view? (I’m not even touching on politics here. Just human experience.)

My frustration comes partly from a comment on Twitter informing me of the current politically correct way to address the human condition. Actually the human condition wasn’t really considered in this comment. It was all about the need to impose political correctness a la 2022 onto a story from the 1970’s.

Seriously? And here I thought the human condition was timeless. I thought that societal must do’s come and go, but the heart of people–courage, perseverance, truth, curiosity–to name just a few attributes, endure. Silly me.

Would it be possible to be curious about someone’s life experiences rather than critical? To listen rather than lecture?

I’m not even asking that the critics look at their own self-created box of limitation and pseudo-superiority from which they dispense judgement. Just let someone tell their story, their way, with their truth. Try to learn something about yourself from their travails. Do you dislike something about them? What does that say about you? Remember, this is a human story, their story, not a political or social thesis. And it need not adhere to your social need to categorize and chastise.

Long ago I adopted the habit of finding something I honestly like or admire about someone and complimenting them on it. It helped me see the good in people. But lately, I’m beginning to wonder. Does it just bounce off the recipient? Are they too preoccupied to notice? Are they so immersed in negativity that they are oblivious to their own good and the impact that might have on those around them?

But I persevere. Giving compliments is now an ingrained habit, one that helps me notice the good in others (because let’s face it, it’s easy to center in on something we don’t like or agree with). I prefer to see the value in people. It’s actually quite selfish. It makes my day better.

Let’s run an experiment. Perhaps extend it for a week or more. Say something authentic and kind to people you encounter. Start with one kindness, one day. It can be someone at work or the checker at the grocery store. Love your tie. That dress is just gorgeous. Those are great earrings…where did you get them?

Notice the response you get back. Listen.

Is it really that hard? Or are we so hardened?

Give it a go and see what you get. I’d like to hear about your results. If you like this notion, please share. The more the merrier! Let’s spread some genuine human kindness in small and manageable increments. You never know where it may lead.